how to lose credibility in the classroom, ms. r-style

by: ms. r

step one: on the first day of school, make sure to stress the importance of your school's honor code. create a sense of fear in the classroom by dictating the horrific consequences of violating the sacred thou-shalt-not cheat (or do anything else teen-agery inappropriate in the "eyes" of the school) decree.

step two: honor the honor code. if you do find or even suspect a student in violation, then you must investigate immediately and with a stern face radiating immense sobersidedness. for example, if you overhear a student verbally and overtly admit to cheating, no matter how breezy, blithe and fallacious the comment seems to be, you must treat it as a serious and substantial breach of high school legislature.

step three: approach the student in violation with an air of authority, and with gusto, clearly formulate in your head the following command regarding the overheard comment: "that is an honor code violation. therefore, i must report you." couple that with a look of utmost disapproval for extra effect. if you feel that this look will prompt an angry parent phone call tears, use sparingly.

step four: the most important step of all. upon delivery, mince your words completely. for some extra spice, toss in a dash of inappropriateness. instead of delivering your perfectly-constructed mental tirade, throw the student this tasty curveball: "that is an honor code. therefore, i must violate you."

step five: do not remain calm or stay your normal skin tone. as the class erupts with the inevitable laughter, muster up the darkest shade of crimson possible and do not even try to hold the chuckles inside. throw back your head and try to laugh the loudest of all! we're losing credibility each second here, people! if you do this correctly, the student will actually look pleased with him or herself.

step six: drop the issue completely, crank up the ipod, and move on with class as usual.